The Future of Us
by CotedeKatic
Summary: Ziva is gone, but that doesn't change Tony's feelings about here wants her he back , nothing is the same without her. Meanwhile Ziva goes on a quest to find her true self, exploring her past in Mossad and NCIS. Her feelings for Tony linger, did she make the right decision in letting him go? TIVA. Picks up at the end of Past, Present and Future. Will Ziva ever come back to Tony?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this is my first fanfic. This picks up where Past, Present, and Future ended with Tony on the plane. I am a huge Tiva shipper so I think you all know where this is going. I haven't seen any episodes since she left so this all my view on how Tony should handle it and also how the Tiva story should continue. Please tell me what you think!**

**I do not own NCIS or its characters**

Tony sat on the plane, his gaze glued to window as he fought with his emotions. He watched the disappearing form of the woman he loved. His brain fought with itself, one side telling him to break down and cry, the other telling him to man up and move on. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the last image of Ziva's crying face to leave his mind, her big brown eyes so full of emotion, pain and tears. He couldn't forget the feel of her lips on his, her soft gentle hand on his neck, their salty tears flowing freely as they kissed for the first and last time. As the full memory of their goodbye flooded into his mind he gave up and tears streamed down his face once again. He could still feel her beautiful, soft, curly hair gripped tight in his hand.

He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that it had actually happened, he had kissed Ziva and then he had left her. He knew it wasn't what he wanted; if he had gotten what he wanted she would be next to him right then, her hand in his. She would be coming back to DC with him. He hadn't even been separated from her for a day and he already missed her desperately. Things could have been different, they should have been. There had to be something he could have done so she wouldn't beat up on herself like she was. She blamed herself for all the deaths around them. She thought she was some ruthless killer. But she wasn't, she was so much more.

He wished there was some way he could have shown her that she was more, that she meant so much more especially to him. He would do anything for her. He had killed for her and he had almost died for her and yet she still hadn't seen it. Some part of him thought maybe she had seen it, maybe she had known and yet she chose to ignore it. He had lost her now so he pushed that thought out of his head. She was gone and it was his fault.

The young girl next to him watched his face with troubled brown eyes; she looked about 19, "Are you alright?" Tony jumped out the sound of her voice, at first he wasn't going to respond. He didn't want to talk; he didn't want to do anything except bring Ziva back to him.

Finally after a few moments he tore his gaze away from the window, he was about to make a snappy comment but when he saw her face something stopped him, "I'm fine" but he felt the tears still running down his face and knew she could see them too, "No actually I'm not"

She looked at him for a moment then spoke again, "If you do not mind, what is wrong?"

It was that moment that Tony realized why he hadn't ignored her, everything about her screamed Ziva, her hair was dark and curly, her deep chocolate eyes, her accent, and her obvious habit of not using contractions. He stared at her and he could feel the tear spilling out of eyes once again, he looked away, ashamed of himself. Even with his back to her he could sense her eyes boring into him, curious, determined, and sad.

"It's complicated" That was all I he could say, all he could manage to choke out.

"You know it is not always a bad thing to cry. I am just some girl you met on a plane, you obviously need to talk. I will listen."

He found himself telling her about Ziva, he spoke of the years they had spent dancing around each other not telling the other how they felt. He got carried away talking about her, describing moments and looks between them. The memories made him smile but the thought of her not there anymore brought the sadness back on him. He told her about their time as Sophie and Jean-Paul Ranier. The flashbacks were vivid and the memories were sweet and painful at the same time. Even remembering his lack of sleep because of her snoring brought a smile to his face. His favorite part of that memory was the nicknames "Sweet cheecks" and "My little Hairy butt" that had stuck to that day.

This brought his mind to their time in Berlin. It brought back the strongest feelings; they had been so close then. She had shared her feelings and child hood stories with him. They had even shared a bed. She had been about to tell him something before their crash. There had been something in her eyes, something other than the fierce determination to avenge her father. He had hoped she was about to say something about their relationship, but before she could they were hit.

After the crash, all the pain and anger returned to her eyes and he one again pushed him away. He had come so close to telling her over the years and the whole time there were moments between them that he knew meant more but he kept silent. He realized that was what he regretted most, he regretted not telling her how he felt. He could have told her long ago, he didn't know what her reaction would have been but at least they could have gone somewhere. That brought him to talking about their goodbye. He realized another thing then, he still hadn't told her how he felt. They had shared that last moment, their emotions evident in their eyes but he never told her. Even Ziva had told him in a sideways way, she had told Deena that she was in love with him. Or at least he hoped that's how she knew.

He knew by then that everyone could tell they were in love, people had seen glimpses but there was no mistake now. He could see the pity in their eyes when he video chatted with them. He fell silent, his and Ziva's story had ended there. But it couldn't end; he couldn't imagine not having Ziva with him any more. But he had to accept the truth, there would be no more memories made with her. There would be no more to their story.

**I know that was a pretty short chapter, it is just an introduction into where the story is going from here. The next chapter will be longer I promise. Please tell me what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks sooo much to all of you that read, followed and reviewed. Are you ready for the next chapter? This chapter is from Ziva's POV. And trust me guys, I know where this story is going ;) Hope you like it!**

Ziva watched the plane disappear into the night sky, the tears streamed down her face in a strong current. Tony had left, he got on the plane and left. That was what she wanted right? That was what she told him to do, she had insisted. But was it what she wanted? No, she wanted Tony, she loved Tony. Why had she let him go? Why had she not gone with him? They could have been together right then, her hand in his as they flew back to DC. She shook her head and chided herself for these thoughts, she had to do this and she had to do it alone. She was determined to push her feelings for Tony out of the way and focus on herself. There was no time for love she had things that needed to be done.

First she needed to find somewhere to go, somewhere to gather her thoughts and figure out what was next. She was still an American citizen so she couldn't just stay in Israel, she would have to return there eventually. She just couldn't bring herself to right now, not with the thoughts of her life as an NCIS agent so fresh in her mind and especially not with Tony being there. Then she remembered that she had money stashed away as insurance incase something ever happened. Well she was no longer a part of Mossad or NCIS so that danger was gone, it would probably safe to use. That's when an idea popped into her head, she could travel. She would get a simple little car and just travel to Europe and just bounce around for a little bit, try and enjoy herself.

Her mind floated back to Tony again, it felt wrong that she was never going to see him again. Not just wrong in fact, it was painful. Just the thought of it ripped her heart to shreds. No more looking into those green eyes and seeing that someone accepted her for who she was, no more sharing stories with each other or telling each other about their past. Tony had shared things with her she was sure he hadn't told anyone else and she had done the same with him. Even the things that had annoyed her she would miss, his constant joking around, his movie references, even his pranks. The tears that had just finished sprung into her eyes again. She shook them away and focused on her current task.

She checked herself into a little motel in a tiny town about half an hour away from the city. Tomorrow she would drive to the bank and get some more money but for now she just needed to sleep. She lay in bed, not even bothering to get changed. She lazily pushed her shoes off her feet and they landed with a dull thud on the ground. She turned on the tv and attempted to focus on it but couldn't. Her thoughts were once again with Tony.

She couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened since they got fired. Before everything got complicated she had invited him to Israel to come visit her. She had been longing to see him and hear his voice again. She had been ready to give in and tell him how she felt. There would have been no problem, nothing in their way. But everything got messed up when they had been targeted, everything was ruined. She knew that as soon as he was allowed he had flown to Israel to find her, to make sure she was safe personally. But even before that he had called on someone he openly disliked just so he would know if she's okay or not.

He had searched relentlessly for months even when everyone else gave up on looking for her. When he had first shown up at her door she had been angry, angry that he had disrupted her and brought all the feelings she had tried to bury back. She had fought with him and fought with her emotions. All the things he had said to her, she had wanted to believe that she wasn't that person. She wanted to believe that she didn't need to start over, that she could just stay with him forever. But something inside her had resisted and she had pushed him away again.

Their time in the olive grove was also burned in her memory; every detail of it was so touching. The way he had choked on his words and the tears had almost brought her to tears. Especially the way he said "I just want you to come home," it killed her on the inside, she wanted to so desperately. Then her emotions almost came to a breaking point when he had taken her hand in his and kissed it ever so gently. She hadn't resisted, she hadn't been able to speak. She could still feel the warmth spreading through her and the soft touch of his lips. It was then she realized just how much she loved that man, how hard it would be to live without him. Her hand had reached up to touch his face and her forehead leaned against his. It took all her power not to kiss him right there and then and never let go.

They had kissed once, as they said their final goodbyes at the airport. It was the most painful, passionate, emotional kiss she had ever had in her life. Their goodbye had been painful and she knew she would never forget it no matter where life took her. Most importantly though she would never forget Tony, she would always have a spot in her heart for him. She hoped his life would go on without her, that he would remember her but not let those memories stop him from moving on. She had even slipped her most valuable possession, her Star of David necklace into his jacket.

But knowing Tony she wasn't sure he would be able to move on, not very fast at least. She knew him; he was very sentimental and had very strong feelings. He was good at hiding it but she had known him closely for long enough that she could tell. She could tell when he was uncomfortable, jealous, serious, or almost anything else. She knew him, and he knew her better than most of the people in the world. And when she felt his hand on her, she felt safe and loved. He was the only person that could do that for her. He was the one person that saw who she truly was and still loved her. He had seen her emotional scars and been there to try and work through it with her. He was her one person, what had she done? She had pushed him away.

But why? Why did she do that? What was it inside her twisted brain that had caused her to push away the man she loved? He had been right there all along. Why was there so much pain? Why did she deserve all of this pain and death surrounding her? Was it because she shot Ari? Was it because of all the deaths caused by her work with Mossad? It had to be, she deserved the pain because of all the pain she had caused. This is all her fault, she deserved the pain. And she definitely didn't deserve Tony, which was why she had pushed him away.

The pain and emotions coursed through her body threatening to make her explode. Questions and memories rattled through her brain, each equally painful. She was confused tired, and she could barely move. It got to the point that she felt she couldn't handle it any more. Her entire existence was in question. She had nothing left, there was no one there. She felt so alone in the world. She had to leave behind the family she had known for years. All her blood related family was dead and any friends she had from her childhood resented her or had long forgotten her. She lay on the bed, staring at the wall thinking about Tony, pain, and death. The tears flowed freely again, they flew down her face and rested on the bed beneath her face. She didn't even care, she just wished there was some way to start over, to make all this different. She wished she had been stronger, strong enough to get away from Mossad sooner and not go back. She cried for what seemed like hours, until she finally fell asleep and nightmares haunted her there too.

**So there's chapter two, next chapter will be from Tony's POV again as he gets back to DC and the rest of the team. Let me know what you thought! Also if you all have any ideas for upcoming chapters feel free to tell me that too!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Finally got the next chapter up, I'm sooo sorry this has taken so long but don't worry I have already been fully chastised. So without further ado here you go. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS **

Tony broke his gaze from with a start as the plane impacted with the pavement, he should have been happy to get off the plane but the feeling that this was wrong wouldn't leave him. The young Israeli girl, nodded with a goodbye then stepped out into the dim light of the rising sun. It was 5 am DC time, 11 am in Israel. He couldn't help but wonder what Ziva was doing but if he was going to survive this he would have to shake it off. In his mind he knew everything was going to be different now, she would no longer be sitting in that desk across from his, she would no longer be a phone call away, and she would no longer be his partner. He shook it off and tried to tell his mind that everything was normal, that none of it happened. It wasn't working.

He hadn't slept the entire way back to DC, no matter how hard he tried sleep wouldn't come. So in the end he just stared out the window and let the memories overwhelm him. His mind had gone through every moment they had shared, every personal conversation, every touch they had ever shared. He yearned for her so badly, he wanted to feel her soft skin again and hear her sweet voice. He missed every thing about her and they hadn't even been separated for that long. The first thing he had to do was get his car and drive to his apartment. The drive seemed to take even longer than usual and the silence in the car allowed his thoughts to once again take over. The strongest memory that seemed to haunt him in the car was the memory of the car crash that happened after they had been in Berlin.

Once he arrived in his apartment he dropped his stuff next to the couch and collapsed down on to it. He just lay there, staring at the ceiling. He didn't even know what to do with himself. The thing that he dreaded most was the call from Gibbs that he knew was coming, the call to come back to work. All he could do was hope that Ziva had called and told Gibbs that she wasn't coming back so he wouldn't have to. That's when he realized what he wanted to do right then. He stood back up with a sigh and walked back out to his car.

Before he knew it he was walking through the unlocked door of Gibbs' house, he heard the all too familiar sound of tools working away on wood coming from the basement.

"Gibbs?" He walked down to join his boss next to the forming boat.

"Have a drink," as always Gibbs was being a man of few words but it was expected, he poured them each some bourbon and handed Tony his.

"You know why I'm here?" Tony took a sip of his drink and leaned on the table.

"I got a call from Ziva after you left that airport" His face gave away no emotion.

"What did she tell you?" Tony took another big sip, trying to drown out his feelings.

"She told me what I needed to hear" Tony could feel Gibbs watching his face carefully, examining his emotions.

Tony gave a sigh, "As always not saying more than needs to be said I see," he tried as hard as he could but he could feel the emotion begin building up behind his carefully constructed mask.

"However I could tell she didn't tell me everything." Tony felt like he was drowning in the emotions, like they might come exploding out of him at any moment. He couldn't let that happen, Gibbs couldn't hear what was really going on in his head. He downed the rest of the drink, hoping to push his emotions further in with it then slammed the glass down on the table. The sound echoed through the room and still Gibbs didn't say anything more.

Tony knew he was waiting for him to say something about his comment, "I… I'm sure the things she left out weren't very important details"

"They might not be details that are important for me to know but that doesn't make them unimportant to other people" Tony knew where this was headed, Gibbs already knew a lot of things he was just waiting for Tony to admit them. He stared at Gibbs for a minute then occupied himself with refilling his drink. He took a deep swig of it and returned his gaze to those steely eyes.

"Tony" Gibbs met his gaze without wavering. Tony went to take another drink but Gibbs put a firm hand on the edge of the cup, pushing it back down to the table, "I already know how you felt about her. I could see it when you two looked at each other"

"You two? You really think she felt the same way about me that I did about her? How could she!? She is gone! She left me!" He picked up the drink again taking a violent sip and began pacing back and forth.

"I know she felt the same way about you"

Tony spun to face Gibbs, "How could you possibly know that? And how could that even be true? If that was true she would have come back to DC with me and she wouldn't have hid from me in the first place!"

"It's true Tony"

"I LOVED HER GIBBS! I STILL DO! I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HER" As he realized the truth behind that statement tears began trickling down his face and he slammed his drink down again. He sat down and put his face in his hands. He could feel Gibbs watching him and he knew he shouldn't have yelled like that but he couldn't help it.

"I know you loved her Tony. You aren't the only one that's going to miss her; she is like a daughter to me. She told me things that she has never told anyone else, and the way she talked about you… I could see she loved you."

Tony looked up at him, the tears still drifting down his face, "I just don't understand…"

Gibbs sat down and took a sip of his drink, "I don't know if we ever will but you need to be okay Tony. The team needs you."

"Have you told them yet?" Tony could barely speak above a whisper. The alcohol, tears, and emotions were all clogging his throat.

"No, I figured we should tell them together tomorrow" Gibbs continued to watch his reactions.

"I don't know if I can do that Gibbs, I don't know if I'm strong enough" He stared at the ground.

"You're strong enough Tony, despite your joking exterior everything you're one of the strongest and best agents I know" And he meant it too, there had always been something special about Dinozzo. He was like a son to him and he was very proud of everything he had accomplished.

"I'm not so sure about that"

"Well I am, and after that I'll give you a little time off but like I said the team needs you especially now more than ever"

Tony stood up and finished his drink in one quick swig, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then"

"Bright and early Dinozzo, I'll have them waiting for you in the bullpen." Gibbs watched as Tony gave a nod and went back up the stairs. He heard the door slam and the start of the car as Tony made his way back to his apartment. He couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He missed Ziva too, she had been with the team for 8 years, and it was like losing a member of the family. In fact it was losing a member of their family. He poured himself some more alcohol and drowned his feeling in the woodwork.

Meanwhile Tony arrived back at his apartment and once again plopped down on the couch. It seemed so lonely now, more than it ever had before. Maybe it was because he had never missed anyone this much. He stared at the ceiling and just thought of her, he couldn't help it. Once again he went the entire night without any sleep.

**Alright guys, hope you liked it. Next chapter will be the team finding out. Please tell me what you think and anything you want to see in upcoming chapters **


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